The Yates
Effect
2.0
Ten years ago, I asked your friends and family to tell you how you've changed their lives. Everyone said the same thing in different words. You make people feel seen, felt, and happy just by being near you.
But here's what's changed. The Yates Effect isn't just you anymore. It's the three of us. There's now a little human with your name who is living proof of everything you put into the world.
Happy Valentine's Day, Sarah. I love you.
- B
Yates.
Is Change
People talk about what stays the same in a relationship. But the truth is, the only constant is change. We've changed apartments, cities, coasts, careers, bodies, beliefs, and routines. Six addresses. Two weddings. A dog. A baby. And we still have so many lives left to live.
What never changed is who I want to change with. I said it in my vows and I'll say it again: there's no one I'd rather grow and change with than you.
You make friends with anyone. Instantly. Effortlessly. You have this deep, instinctive empathy for people. And you're the only person I've ever met who I can truly think with. Not just talk to. Think with.
And the range. Mellow nights on the couch. Burning Man on bikes with no clothes on the playa. You're up for all of it. Every version of life, you're fully in.
The constants aren't the things that stay the same. They're the things that keep showing up, no matter what changes around them. Your warmth. Your openness. Your relentless willingness to say yes to whatever comes next.
We don't have one thing. We have every thing. There's no single tradition, no quirky ritual that defines us. We just love spending time together doing everything. A random Tuesday looks the same as a Saturday to us, because it was never about what we were doing. It was about who we were doing it with.
"It's you and me versus Yates.
You, me, and Yates versus Annie.
And you, me, Yates, and Annie all versus Putin."
If someone asked what we're like as a couple, the honest answer is: we love to bring people together. We love to host. We love road trips and showing up for people. More than half of our second wedding was guests raving about us, and I still don't think that captures how special and unique that is and how much of that is because of you.
I can't tell you enough how much I admire how incredible you are at building a loving, caring community of people around us. That's your gift. That's what makes our life feel the way it does.
And if anyone asked us to relive any moment, we'd both say the same thing: we don't want to go back. We want to keep growing and changing together, especially as a family. The best part hasn't happened yet.
A month in to dating I told you I wanted to take you on a surprise date and to bring a helmet and some other random items to throw you off (you'll always guess my surprises now though). We grabbed burritos and went up to the Laguna 'L' and I brought a lockbox with two locks. We each had one key. We wrote notes to each other about how we felt, right then, barely a month into whatever this was.
We sealed them. Threw away the spare keys. We'd both have to agree on when to open it.
Years later, however, I picked the lock. I didn't read the notes. I just put a ring inside and closed it back up.
After you said yes (thank god), we opened and read our letters to each other together, and surprise surprise we'd both said the same thing. A month in, we both already knew.
Called Home
It didn't take long for us to realize that we both basically wanted to spend every moment together and the best way to do that was to live together. But since I was still in college we had to settle for pretending to live together in my college apartment in Fullerton, your apartment with Allie, your place with Zack, and then finally and most ridiculously in Sigma Chi. Once that whirlwind finally settled down, it was game time.
Our first wedding was cancelled two weeks after COVID shut the world down. So we went back to that overlook in Laguna with our moms and closest friends, and we got married anyway.
Three years later, we did it again, with everyone there. Two weddings. Same marriage. Same person I'd find and choose every single time and in any universe (threat)
I wouldn't say it was a surprise. I'd say it was something I hoped for that actually happened, and watching that unfold has been one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed. You became an unbelievably loving, thoughtful, and empathetic mama. I am so deeply grateful for every moment I get to spend with you, and so proud of you.
What you don't give yourself enough credit for is how much you care. You always think you could be doing more and doing better, but everything you're doing is absolutely perfect and more than I could have ever asked for. And that's exactly why I married you in the first place.